Wednesday, February 13, 2008
When I was a young girl (okay... okay... a young girl, young lady, young woman... a few years ago) I used to fantasize, and some would say fanatic-ise, about what my wedding was going to be like. I have a collection of wedding magazines a couple feet high, and I have been planning my 'dream' day since before my baby teeth fell out. I had three scenarios almost perfectly planned in my mind, and all I needed was the cookie cutter man to place inside my story-book wedding.
Well, I'm engaged now, and I'm quite pleased to say that nothing has gone the way I thought it would, much to my pleasant surprise.
The first thing that I noticed which was different than my 'plan' is that cookie-cutter man. My future husband is an incredible man... respectful, hilarious, loves God, loves me, and is ridiculously handsome... but he is not the man I would have chosen for myself a few years ago. How wonderful that God does not let us settle with what we think we want, but that he delays gratification until we are ready to accept his best for us.
Secondly, and much less important but still FUN, is the actual task of planning the wedding. I've always known that I wanted to plan my own wedding, and I'm glad that I decided to do this for myself (with Rodney's help, of course... although his usual response is "Sure, sweetie!!" ... I do love that man!!). I found out quickly, however, that I had outgrown the fantasy wedding I had concocted for myself.. although I still think a Medieval theme wedding would be a blast!!
Planning this wedding has been a very personally enriching experience, as I learn more about myself through the process. Am I a Princess skirt girl, or an A-line? Veil or no veil? And why do I make the decisions I do? It is amazing how emotional of a process it can be. I had no idea that simply trying to decide on what flowers to us could teach me so much about myself (at the moment it is teaching me that I am incredibly indecisive and can't choose between the girly-girl side of me or the classy-chic side of me).
I'm so thankful that I have my mother and my girlfriends to help me with the process. My bridesmaids are INCREDIBLE, and are always willing to lend a hand. I know I won't be able to thank them enough. The wedding is still 6 1/2 months away, and they've already out-done themselves. My Matron of Honour even drove all the way to Calgary with me and my mom for a mad-dash to a wedding-gown clearance sale at the drop of a hat!! Unfortunately, we didn't find anything... but it was still a great time.
And, in the midst of preparing for the wedding, the part I am enjoying the most is preparing for my marriage. Learning more about my future husband, and teaching him more about myself. I am very much enjoying this stage of our relationship. I know that, after the wedding, things will eventually change. The romance will fade, the sharp pang of loss when we are seperated for more than an hour will turn into the desire to simply get an hour to ourselves, and those cute little quirks that make us melt into laughter won't seem quite as endearing. I know that this is inevitabel. I also know that it is part of maturing our relationship into a deeper brand of love. A love based on steadfastness, deep commitment, and a relentless refusal to give up when times are tough.
In the meantime, however, I'm going to enjoy every minute of this engagement. I am going to lap up every sappy moment that I can. I will hold his hand, steal kisses when friends leave the room, stare in his eyes and simply enjoy being in the same space as him.
Yup... there it is... that giddy smile...
...I'm going to go stare at my ring for a little while.